A Week 13 Ode to Fantasy Football

Week 13 marks the final week of the regular season for a lot of fantasy football leagues out there.  For those of you that play, you know how much of an awful/awesome/intense/painful/fun/embarrassing game it can be.  One of my teams has the most total points scored in the league by 130, but I am a mediocre 6-6 and still battling for a playoff spot.  Luckily, my chances are looking good at this point.  But what about you?  In this special fantasy edition of Pulse 120’s Weekly Rundown, you’ll get some of my very own advice on who to start and who to sit for each matchup this weekend.  But first things first, a little poem:

An Ode to Fantasy Football

Fantasy Football

Oh Fantasy Football, how I love thee,

My wideouts two and my runningbacks three.

I study all summer ’til draft day doth come

To pick all the studs to whom rivals succumb.

I battle and battle in imaginary trenches

And cry when my teams are outscored by their benches.

From win to loss to loss to win,

I pay too much attention.  It’s almost a sin.

Hooray!  Hooray!  My QB scored 30!

Beware.  Beware.  Mustn’t celebrate too early.

It appears as though he played my defense,

And they scored me points in a negative sense.

Week six, my team got the second most points!

The other guy got more.  That’s a kick in the groin.

I would have beaten literally all other teams,

But the Fantasy Gods have again crushed my dreams.

Fantasy Football, how awful you can be.

The real ‘Skins lost, too.  I almost can’t breathe.

The work week drags on when you enter a loser,

But each week brings a new challenge.  Look to the future.

Yikes!  This week I only scored 70,

But my opponent got 40, so 70 is plenty.

My score was lower than all teams but his,

Oh Fantasy Gods, you made it better than it is.

Fantasy Football, how great you can be.

And we upset the Cowboys!  I’m chock full of glee!

Tuesday through Friday flies faster than light

When you live as the winner of a fantasy fight.

The playoffs draw nigh, and I’m in a pickle.

My season’s been weird, my team’s been so fickle.

One more win, just one more win.

Oh Fantasy Gods, please grant it herein.

I promise, I promise I’ll never quit you,

Oh Fantasy Football, I’ll always be true.

I’ll threaten to leave when I finish a loser,

but we both know I’m too addicted a user.

 

Thanksgiving Day

Chicago Bears (5-6) at Detroit Lions (7-4)

Predicted: 24-14 Lions

Philadelphia Eagles (8-3) at Dallas Cowboys (8-3)

Predicted: 31-27 Cowboys

Seattle Seahawks (7-4) at San Francisco 49ers (7-4)

Predicted: 17-10 Seahawks

Sunday

1:00 PM

Cleveland Browns (7-4) at Buffalo Bills (6-5)

 Prediction: 27-20 Cleveland

Start: Josh Gordon, Isaiah Crowell, Fred Jackson, Robert Woods

Sit: Sammy Watkins

Baltimore Ravens v Tampa Bay BuccaneersSan Diego Chargers (7-4) at Baltimore Ravens (7-4)

Prediction: 24-13 Ravens

Start: Justin Forsett, Torrey Smith, Keenan Allen, Antonio Gates

Sit: Steve Smith, Ryan Mathews

Carolina Panthers (3-6-1) at Minnesota Vikings (4-6)

Prediction: 20-10 Vikings

Start: Greg Olsen, Kelvin Benjamin, Vikings D/ST

Sit: Any Carolina runningback

Vincent Jackson Drops PassCincinnati Bengals (7-3-1) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-9)

Prediction: 31-14 Bengals

Start: A.J. Green, Jeremy Hill, Giovani Bernard, Mike Evans

Sit: Doug Martin, Vincent Jackson, Mohamed Sanu

Tennessee Titans (2-9) at Houston Texans (5-6)

Prediction: 28-14 Texans

Start: Arian Foster, DeAndre Hopkins, Delanie Walker, Texans D/ST

Sit: Andre Johnson, everyone on the Titans not named Delanie Walker

Boom HerronWashington Redskins (3-8) at Indianapolis Colts (7-4)

Prediction: 34-21 Colts

Start: Andrew Luck, T.Y. Hilton, Boom Herron, Alfred Morris, DeSean Jackson

Sit: Pierre Garcon, Coby Fleener, Reggie Wayne

New York Giants (3-8) at Jacksonville Jaguars (1-10)

Prediction: 21-14 Giants

Start: Eli Manning, Odell Beckham Jr., Rashad Jennings, Denard Robinson

Sit: Cecil Shorts III, Larry Donnell

Tre MasonNew Orleans Saints (4-7) at Pittsburgh Steelers (7-4)

Prediction: 28-17 Steelers

Start: Ben Roethlisberger, Drew Brees, Antonio Brown, Kenny Stills, Le’Veon Bell, Jimmy Graham

Sit: Marques Colston, Mark Ingram


Oakland Raiders (1-10) at St. Louis Rams (4-7)

Prediction: 24-13 Rams

Start: Tre Mason

Sit: Everyone else

4:00 PM

Arizona Cardinals (9-2) at Atlanta Falcons (4-7)

Prediction: 27-17 Cardinals

Start:Andre Ellington, John Brown, Julio Jones, Cardinals D/ST

Sit: Matt Ryan, Steven Jackson, Michael Floyd

New England Patriots (9-2) at Green Bay Packers – Pulse 120’s Non-Primetime Game of the Week

Prediction: 31-27 Packers

Start: Aaron Rodgers, Eddie Lacy, Randall Cobb, Jordy Nelson, Tom Brady, Rob Gronkowski, Brandon LaFell, whatever New England runningback gets the bulk of the work <– You’ll never know ahead of time

Sit: Both D/STs, Julian Edelman

8:30 PM

Denver Broncos (8-3) at Kansas City Chiefs (7-4)

Prediction: 31-28 Chiefs

Start: Peyton Manning (duh), Demaryius Thomas, Emmanuel Sanders, C.J. Anderson, Alex Smith, Jamaal Charles, Travis Kelce

Sit: Julius Thomas, Dwayne Bowe, Chiefs D/ST

Monday Night

Ryan Tannehill ThrowingMiami Dolphins (6-5) at New York Jets (2-9)

Prediction: 27-7 Dolphins

Start: Ryan Tannehill, Mike Wallace, Jarvis Landry, Dolphins D/ST

Sit: Lamar Miller, Chris Ivory, all other Jets

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